trust your feet
june 10, 2024listen deeper, trust your feet, expand your awareness
being ready and open for anything includes being ready for nothing. listen deeper, listen deeper. trust your feet. your body knows how to find what it needs. you can pretend there is magic here too for now, tracing all that you see back to where it came from. where was it before it was here? who gave it to your sight? you can think about each movement you make and fill the time with space. you can rewrite the details destroyed in summaries. collecting your hair as it falls from your head in the shower and deliberately placing on the side of the tub. the last rinse of water before you step out, left foot right foot, carefully onto the mat. noticing the way it holds your wet feet. following each subtle movement to the next. why do it this way? try a different way. how does it feel? listen deeper. how aware do you want to be? the energy is subtle but it is there. and in the subtleties we experience the most. we learn the secrets hidden in components of the self and the ways in which to work with them. these moments count too. consciousness deepens with the pull of gravity, guided by magnetic fields. how heavy it is to be human. hold your weight, the gravity binds you here because it is the container of consciousness. without its force, consciousness becomes decentralized, scattered through space and unable to evolve when there are no boundaries forcing growth. gravity accelerates growth, giving us physical limitations in order to force consciousness to expand. the magnetism, it pulls us to where we will grow the most. listen deeper. expand. what does the tree feel? you feel the bird fly in front of you, don’t you? you can feel the electromagnetic field of another being’s consciousness when it enters yours, can’t you? you can feel how the signals are disturbed, sometimes blocked, by the technologies. expand your field. what does the grass feel? what does the dog feel? in doing this you will expand your field, you will sense more. you expand from your being into the greater field of awareness.
alchemy of thoughts
these thoughts did not help yesterday, they did not help me change or grow or nurture my wellbeing. but i think them again and again i let them sit like thorns against my present self. i can change these thoughts, i can turn them into petals i know. but alchemy is not an easy practice. it takes time to learn the qualities of the materials, it takes time to understand what thoughts are made of and what chemicals need to be changed. it takes time furthermore to melt them down, to build a new mold, to pour the burning fiery ashes of past into it and let it rest, let it fight itself until it tires out and accepts its new form. takes time to cool, to break off the mold and sand off the dust. it takes so much time and i have not given myself the time. i am still in the process of learning what makes up these thoughts, where they come from, who built the molds and why they did it that way. what materials are they made of, which elements can be salvaged and which are due for transformation. what should they become? what do i need to be wary of, what reacts adversely to these thoughts and what soothes them? so many questions to ask, answers that can be only reached with patience. it takes time. most of the time patience is all you really need. it hurts i know, don’t run, don’t turn away from the flames burning the pieces you don’t need anymore. if you were carrying a heavy object in a bag you would not add more things into the bag under the reason that the original object would feel lighter in comparison. you would just be carrying more weight in vain of trying to escape the gravity of it all. so do not try to lessen the load of your suffering by piling on unnecessary distractions in attempt to get away from the pain. the suffering feels lighter when you hold it by itself, when you carry less weight, when you don’t have to hold so many distractions trying to bury the pain.
who you are and who you choose to be
you are just as i, a curious child of the earth who sleeps on her belly. you touch the trees to feel their wisdom and the moon watches over you in the night. sometimes you forget how to breathe. you exist in realms you can’t always comprehend, rare spaces of peace. you are there when nothing else is, when you are wrapped in the blanket woven by the inseparable threads of past, present, and future. who you choose to be is the endless layers atop of who you are, the layers of many days spent picking decisions from the sea of choices. you fear that you will never find the thing you search for and yet always continue to seek it, though you try to keep that fear a secret from yourself.
words i don’t know how to explain
will you fathom what i cannot? some days i can become eternal for a moment. gazing into the atom field, an illusion illuminating your build. particles separate and then follow as you walk by, do you see them too? lying in shadows of the sun as my metronome body pulsates with the bloody music orchestrating inside me. i’ll keep going when my hands bleed and my head throbs. leaves blend into another, a thick green haze. i’m thinking a lot. about light particles, intangibles, effects of my causes. i’m thinking beyond what i see, exploring every angle and finding what i’m not looking for. i see all my ribs, all my veins. am i supposed to see this much? circling around my body and i’m so dizzy. the clouds are leaving now, and they won’t say goodbye. tour of thy soul, this everlasting ride with my invisible guide. take me out of myself for a moment in time, dare your eyes meet mine and let me see with your sight. i want to see what you can fill in my blind spots, what do you see that i don’t? you should know i keep death with me like a mirror in my pocket, reflecting life back at me at all times. in order to make new discoveries and go deeper you cannot look at the world through the deforming lens of language, read between these lines.