faith
august 18, 2023i begin the same place i end. between borders of bones, highways of veins, caves of teeth, my soul resides. i've been thinking about the way my tongue feels against the stones in my mouth, a dwelling for spit rivers and food scraps. an ecosystem, teeth growing out of my gums the same way rocks grow out of the dirt. aside from the notions we construct with our unseeable thoughts of the way things in the world entwine, there are no real boundaries between the teeth in my gums and the rocks in the dirt. to have faith is to have thoughts.
faith is believing in what we cannot see, at least according to the silver cross encoded with those exact words that now only exists hanging on a handle in my memories. i remember seeing the cross shining itself into my eyes as it swung sweetly, strung upon the china cabinet which absorbed a third of our dining room in my childhood home. it only exists there now because i have faith in my thoughts, and i can remember the way that cross burned those words into the archives of my brain. faith is believing in what we cannot see. my faith leads me longing for it to cease, for the thoughts i cannot see to reveal themselves in my sight. i want to destroy the thoughts holding hands with my faith, break them apart in a blood bath flooding my mind, snapping the strings of my heart which are so firmly attached to the things unseen, to desires, to myself. stain the thoughts with the blood of their death so that i can see them for what they were rather than believe them blindly. they are the boundaries between myself and the earth, dividing me and you and the sea of otherness.
faith is the boundary we praise. blurry lines of drunken sight dissolve the differences we think exist between each other. is this why they have us drink wine at communion, to flood our body with christ’s blood so that we drunkenly draw new borders in the land of consciousness to include him and the faith of others that they want us to so badly see? drink his blood, let it rip apart the faith holding you to your thoughts and reattach your heart strings to the cross. the cross that says faith is believing in what you cannot see, you cannot see god, god must therefore be what you believe in. you can see your teeth, do not trust them. you can see the lines where teeth meet gum, where rock meets dirt, faith does not exist in those lines. you cannot see the space between you and the earth, faith is between them. thoughts are in the brain which you cannot see yet you are, hold faith inside.
you are earth’s faith, she believes in you because she cannot see you. she only knows you exist because she can feel you, can feel your touch without seeing the soul in your eyes. the earth holds her faith in you, you hold your faith in your mind. earth to the mind, soul to the earth. the buddha touched the bodhi tree, the tree responded with a whisper. faith was cycled, flowing between buddha’s veins and the roots of the bodhi. this is the cycle. i do not know what this means. my faith does. i cannot see it so i believe it is real. collectively we are the mind of the earth, the earth's thoughts are translated through us and whatever she needs, she holds in her faith to be conceived as christ so that we follow the strings to her heart, pumping her blood by listening. giving the bread of our bodies, bread we baked with thought as the main ingredient, variants of thoughts altering the taste, changing the chemical compounds. thoughts of poor quality giving the earth poor health, thoughts of health giving her health.
mostly we are unconscious of what we feed her, unaware that she cycles back to us what was given to her. what we think of, what we desire, our emotions, the things we consume, the things we build our bodies with. they come back to us after we throw them off to her. this is the cycle. she asks for nourishment through us, we give back what we understand of her faith. her faith, which has been misconstrued, misunderstood, is misaligned from our nature. our intended cycles are blocked with brick buildings and alarm clocks. we are no longer in harmony, our faith no longer synced with the earth, she cries for help and so do we. we do not know what to give her and she does not know what to give us.
we’ve begun to hold our faith in the things we can see, the things we desire. shoes and cars and devices of dead light. we see these things, they must be real. we believe in what we can see, our faith is not blind. faith now, is believing in what we can see. strings tangled into the hearts of what is visible. earth does not understand where her faith has gone. she calls out, we cycle the sums of our tangible faith back into ourselves, eating our own tails, leaving earth to clean up the crumbs we left on the china cabinet.